Open Room

Clean thoughts, surrounded by the film of neglect.
Bent and turned, in order to find appropriate settlement.
Eyes hiding behind curtains, moving in sync with memories.
A wait for transport home brings questions of locked wheels.
It seems patience answers slowly, without regard for promises.

How Love Bends

so you say.
lines across fail
i was supposed to forget

ten exits seem too many
underneath, trees filter
my sky tells it's story

where the reach seems unfair,
it is for us to decide
how love bends

Greatest Of All Time

Years collect within our distance.
I am lifted by knowledge of our bond.
There was never any way of knowing
I would find the balance in between.

Moments floating in cells of brilliant chaos.
Though the tower rises above the foundation,
It is within the walls that we know what is true.

Mad Girl's Love Song

About a month or so ago, I sat in this spot for a few minutes. Things changed, I was part of it, but it felt like an out of body experience. I heard the words but none of them really formed into meaning until a few days later.

Once I processed what had happened, it stopped. A pause in the momentum that I had worked on for so long. But, surprisingly, I was at peace with the situation. There was really nothing I could do about it, except move on and live my life. How could I have known that sitting there, in one of my favorite places, was The End and The Beginning.

Just press play, and find what you have been looking for. I am yours.

I Spy

I Spy
Originally uploaded by HazelFiver

With my little eye, a return to the camera. I'm not sure why I had let it sit there for so long. I am growing weary of film, wishing I had a digital camera. But then, I would be taking more pictures than I would know what to do with. I have been trying to find something to do with all of the prints I have sitting around.

I really feel that once I get a new camera, my picture quality will improve. This stupid little one I have now will not allow me to get in too close and it is so light I end up getting a lot of fuzzy pictures from my inability to keep the thing steady.

One of these days I will take a class. One of these days I will take a picture of something other than a flower or plant. One of these days I will make an effort to do something more than just post them online. But for now, I am enjoying see the world through the lens again.

Comfort Zone

I started this one a couple of weeks ago and The Beast interrupted me and I kind of forgot about it. Seeing as though it was about her, you would have thought I could have gotten more than just the title in.

Moving on. For those of you who have spent any significant time around children, you know that there is usually a "warm up" period. The child first sees you as this foreign being on their home turf, they are determined to rid you from their sanctuary at all costs. Slowly they begin to find ways to use your presence to their advantage; food, shelter, bubbles, a lift up in the air to get a better view, the basics. Some kids are naturally affectionate during this time, they will let you hold them whenever the mood strikes either of you, they will allow tickling and/or random silliness. The Beast never held those thoughts. She was, and sometimes still is, anti Child PDA. No hugging, no chilling out on my lap during moments I happen to be without her little brother, and certainly not anything initiated by her.

Well, she has finally melted her stone cold heart. Maybe not melted, just a low setting of defrost. I was doing some dishes and she was entertaining herself by running laps around the island in the middle of the kitchen. This works to both of our benefits; exhausts her to the point that she actually has the mellow mood I pray for and she gets to bump in to me as often as she likes. At one point during her exuberant marathon, she stopped to take a break. She ran up behind me, buried her face in my butt and gave me a huge hug.

That, is when you know a kid is comfortable around you.

Rainbow Bubbles

I have trolled around deviantART before but today I got sucked in for what felt like the longest acid trip of my life. I've never been on an acid trip but this search sure made it feel real.

Beautiful colors, silhouettes, amazing artistry. Basically a big orgy of jealousness on my part. I have turned my bookmark page into a whorehouse of pending wallpapers for the laptop.

Here is the one I've had going for past 15 hours. I'm trying really hard not to change it already. So many to choose from.

Link to the artist

Update: I wrote this post on half a brain while The Beast was hovering. A few things I forgot to say: The search was for wallpapers done with Vector. I only have a slight idea what it is, but it kicks out some awesome stuff. Damn it, I have already forgotten the rest of what I wanted to say. Kids, don't do drugs, drugs 'ah baaadd. Only my brother Wade will get that.

Muse and The Beast

So yeah, that painting I talked about a while back? Finally got around to starting some this weekend. The Beast's birthday is this week and thought I would cheer up her slightly drab room with a painting as half of her gift (the other half of course a wheel barrel full of crap a 2 year old would actually appreciate).

Hmm, the fact that I suck should have clued me in to why I haven't painted in a while. It's sitting there on the easel taunting me "The Beast could have done a better job on this herself!" I have already wasted a canvas on a 'starter'.

So, until I get up the nerve to show a picture of the end result, here is a picture of the poor girl who will have to live with it:

Lyrics In Real Life

I go through phases with music. More like OCD cycles, you might say. I put a cd in, and listen to it repeatedly, sometimes weeks at a time. New artists make appearances, old ones come back for extended visits. I know the lyrics by heart within days. In fact, that is one of my favorite parts of listening to my favorite songs. Letting them become part of me, part of what I believe and ultimately, part of the structure of my being. I know, it sounds corny, but it's true.

Now that's out of the way, the following song has placed itself in a little corner of my heart and refuses to move. Every single word resonates in a way that you almost feel the person who wrote those words snuck up behind you. Now, I know this is a song that has been played out, it may be past its prime. But that does not detract from the weight of it as a whole. I believe every person should listen to this song, whether you have children now or sometime in the future.

"Daughters" by John Mayer

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

I so get this...

My body is like a lost spoon. Somewhere
at the back of the cutlery drawer
it has managed to lose itself in the clutter.
Is causing trouble again.
I can hear it cavorting with knives,
clattering against their blades.
Sweet-hearting them. One of their bone
or mother-of-pearl handles
bunts a comforting note in its bowl.
Now it's twanging the whisk,
weaving in and out of the egg-slice,
elbowing corncob holders. Such a flirt.
It's chattering up their knobbles.
Oh no, not the tin opener!
It's riding the wheels round and round
like being on that playground thing
next to the slide and the swings
I can see through my end ward window,
pushing along on one elegant silver limb.
And why not? We both know it's all bluff.
Let it have fun, practise being something
that can't be packed in a box.
Engraved with my copperplate name
it was there when I was christened
and has circled beside me since.
Soon enough it'll be asked
to stick out its tongue and say Ah
then filled with a measured dose
of something surprisingly weighty.
One day I'll bid it be still and it will -
perhaps something surprisingly sweet.
-pat borthwick

A Change Is Building Up

Within my faults and failings, there has always been one that has stood out among the rest. There were times I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel but there were also times I could conquer the beast. It never seemed to be something I should or would eventually take seriously. My, how life does show us how wrong we are sometimes.

I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test
-David Bowie "Changes"


I'm not saying I'm on the road, but for right now I am reading the directions.

The Light in the Piazza

I don't see a miracle shining from the sky
I'm no good at statues and stories
I try

That's not what I think about
That's not what I see
I know what the sunlight can be

The Light, the Light in the Piazza

Tiny sweet
And then it grows
And then it fills the air
Who knows what you call it?
I don't care
Out of somewhere I have something I have never had
And sad is happy
That's all I see

The Light in the Piazza
The Light in the Piazza

It's rushing up
It's pouring out
It's flying through the air
All through the air
Who knows what you call it?
But it's there
It is there

All I see is
All I want is tearing from inside
I see it
Now I see it everywhere
It's everywhere
It's everything and everywhere

The Light in the Piazza

My Love

-Adam Guettel