Saturday, January 6, 2007
Who, What, When, Where and Why?
I'm doing this for myself. As far as I know, I'm the only one who thinks about it. I think a lot. Too much sometimes. So far, it hasn't helped. At all. Evidence continues to prove this point.
Who? I wish I knew. Some days I think I do and then he confuses me even more. Today is one of those days. Need and want are so subjective when that is all that I'm given. I need and I want. But, I know the context. I'm trying to be patient and, even though I'm accomplishing that better than ever before, it is ripping me apart inside.
What? For the life of me, it is the one thing I am sure of these days. I know what I want, it is just a matter of it actually freaking happening!
When? Today, well maybe yesterday. Could be next week for all I know. Wish it would just actually happen.
Where? It changes. I make up my mind and then another idea pops into my head. For now it is the town I sit in as I write this. Just working on the what for now.
Why? I can't answer this. It eats me alive while I am awake and while I am asleep. I dream and daydream about why. A million of them...it would take me all day to tell you about the whys in my head.
For now, I just work on what I can. Realize that I will never be perfect, and when the moments come that I slip, I get back up. It is all I can do.