Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Super Cuteness

I went to visit my cousin Ryan and his wife Stephanie, this weekend. They just moved to a little town named Weldon and can I just tell you, super cute. I look forward to going back and seeing more.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Cleaning House

Oh my, I had a lot of junk to get rid of today. The cool weather making it's way in to my wardrobe forced me to take my long sleeves and pants out of storage. So, I pulled all of the containers out and cleaned out those items I hadn't worn in a while. You know they say, "If you haven't worn it in the past year, get rid of it." I also had to get rid of some clothes that I love, but can't wear anymore. It's great that they are too big, but it's hard to find cute clothes in my size and it stinks to have to admit that they need to go.

So, I donated 22 shirts, 8 pairs of pants, 6 pairs of shorts, 4 sweatshirts/coats, 6 skirts and 9 pairs of shoes. Ugh. Painful to see all of it go, but I think that means I get to restock. Right?

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Busy, Great, Happy Day

Cousin Ryan and his lovely wife, Stephanie, came down to spend the day and we were busy little bees.
  • Coffee/Hot Chocolate at Bean Traders
  • Bennett Place
  • Music Store tour of Durham, with a purchase of one keyboard
  • Lunch/Brunch, burgers, omeletes and breakfast burritos at Alivia's
  • CenterFest
  • Walking tour of Trinity Park neighborhood
  • An introduction to The Streets at Southpoint Mall
  • Cheesecake Factory
  • Burn After Reading
A great way to start Fall! Random pictures of our day over on flickr.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Soothe My Soul

I'm not sure if I have communicated my need for music. I cannot survive a day in my life without music around me. This man, is like water and air. His words find places inside of me that I didn't know needed healing. I will be in his presence on October 16th, and it is my 32nd birthday present to myself. A cleansing and blessing I have needed for so long.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Pardon Me

While I interrupt you. I can't help it. That's not true, you can help every bad habit you have. As an ex said, "you can, you just CHOOSE not to." Fair enough.

I would like to invite you to enjoy a list of my bad habits:

- I leave dishes to soak in the sink for too long (days).
- I have no self control, when it comes to going to bed. I will just keep farting around until I feel like I am about to pass out.
- I get bored entirely too easily. This is also why I am not allowed to have a pet.
- I smoke, even though my lungs seem a bit more sensitive than my enjoyment allows for.
- I think of something while the other person is talking, in conversation, and immediately open my big fat mouth to share my anecdote.
- I am impatient.
- I still sleep with a stuffed animal (that I DID NOT steal from my then 18 month old brother).
- I get a little too worried about those in traffic around me. If someone passes me, I'll get offended that they think I wasn't going fast enough for them. Crazy? I know. Trust me, I KNOW.
- I speed way too often.
- I am horrible at keeping track of money. With my math skills, it's a miracle I can keep a relative balance of my checking account in my head.
- I bite the inside of the corner of my mouth when I don't even realize and usually end up in pain.
- I spend WAY too much time on my computer. Half the time I'm refreshing websites I was just on five minutes before. (laptops are fruits of the devil)
- I don't play one-on-one with the kids as much as I should. They are amazing at independent play and I really should stop depending on that so much.
- I only make my bed once in a blue moon. Train of thought: why would I make something that no one is going to see, and that I'm going to get right back in 15 hours from now?
- I don't really like my roommates cats, so when she goes out of town and asks me to give one of them medicine, I don't really work to hard at actually doing it. Horrible, I know. (yet another reason why I can't have pets)
- I often have a hard time finding the positive side to a situation. If I have any negative issues going on, I tend to dwell a bit too much before allowing myself to be more open minded.
- Many people won't believe this, but I can be a bit shy. It usually takes me half way through an event to be comfortable enough to mingle and socialize with the crowd/guests.
- I don't know when to shut up. I tend to ramble.
- In a strange balance: I don't care what other people think and worry too much about what people think.

Oh, right. I'm shutting up now.

P.S. (last one, I LOVE to cuss. That is a tough one.)

Friday, September 12, 2008


I mentioned my need for balance, the other day. It has always been an integral part of how I cope with every aspect of life. Good times and bad, I find great comfort in knowing that all sides are being met, every person is being treated fairly and chaos is kept at a minimum. The scales weighing evenly enough that I don't fall off.

Many people don't believe in astrology, and I don't hold it as a conviction, but I believe there certainly are some interesting points. Take me, a Libra, for example:

Diplomatic / compromising, however possibly manipulative
Fair /
balanced / impartial
Idealistic (in relationships)
Easy-going / sociable
Indecisive / changeable
Peace loving
Gullible / easily influenced
Elegant / graceful
Refined /
artistic / good taste, Pleasure oriented
Sensitive to others
Kind, Cheerful, Romantic
Flirty /
frivolous, however loyal in marriage

Likes FairnessEqualityHarmonyBeautyJustice
Cruelty • Offensive Behavior • Conflict and Discord
Vulgarity and Coarseness •

I've highlighted some of the characteristics that I know are a part of my personality. Sure, a lot of the others are absolutely a part of how I behave, interact and evaluate, but they aren't consistent. I'm not always kind, I don't believe I'm manipulative in relationships and well, I have trouble cooperating sometimes.

Which brings me to that part about being graceful. It's what got me thinking about all of this. I have fallen, literally on the floor, no less than three times in the past month. Balance being thrown off, looking up and seeing the scales of gravity smiling down on me. I fell off a sidewalk, in the middle of a parking lot, and walking in to a restaurant. Twisted my ankle, bruised my knees and yelled out a cuss word for all of those enjoying their dinner to hear.

Though this past year has taught me a lot about myself, it is evident that I still have a long way to go. I have so much to work on and it's obvious that there is something I'm missing. The universe is trying to knock some sense in to me and apparently it feels throwing me off balance is the next step. I need a gravity life vest until I figure it out.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Winston Churchill

"Never, never, never give up."

How Freudian that I just deleted a question mark from the end of that quote. It actually goes like this:
"This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

Either way, I'm having a little trouble really hearing him right now. Oh, I'm listening. He's got a big billboard of himself chanting to me on the side of the road. But, it's just not working.

I've taken a few steps back. Revisiting those wonderful stages of grief, landing gracefully back in Anger. While writing an email to my best friend the other day, I found myself using the word "hate" no less than twelve times. Not so good. And that was before I got the wind knocked out of my sails.

I do not enjoy confusion, complication and tension. They throw my Libran sense of balance in to a destructive tailspin. While I yearn for freedom and spontaneity in my life, I also need a clear path ahead of me, a relative awareness that all is as it should be. The path does not need to be make of solid concrete, but if there are potholes, at least give me a rope to hold on to.

Cryptic enough for you? I 'm just struggling with finding my way in this post Z world. One day I think I can see a few feet ahead on that path, and then all of a sudden one of those potholes sucks me in. And there is no rope. The "talking about it" rope doesn't work. The "avoiding it" rope is a little frayed. The "move on" rope has thorns in it. The "close the door" rope seems so final and honestly, a bit callous.

I would so enjoy a soft chenille rope to wrap itself around me and just hold me. Give me a big hug and not expect anything from me. Silent, constant, unconditional, true. I want someone to understand me.

Sunday, September 7, 2008


James, Jeni and Carter came to visit this week. They asked me to take some pictures, for a family portrait. I mentioned this to a friend and she offered her camera and I cannot tell you how glad I am, that she was so gracious. I'm hooked. Here's why...

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Low On Fuel

I'm not feeling very motivated these days. Though I have a lot going on in my head, some of which wants to come out, I'm just not finding inspiration.

I have some things I want to say, but am having trouble finding the right way to express myself clearly. My roommate gave me a gift certificate for a massage, which I'm going to be using tomorrow. Maybe that will release some toxins, in more ways than one. We'll see.