Working on.....

a jump.

A Gift From The Sea

Channelled Whelk

"But I want first of all - in fact, as an end to these other desires - to be at peace with myself. I want a singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a central core to my life that will enable me to carry out these obligations and activities as well as I can. I want, in fact - to borrow from the language of the saints - to live 'in grace' as much of the time as possible. I am not using this term in a strictly theological sense. By grace, I mean an inner harmony, essentially spiritual, which can be translated into outward harmony. I am seeking perhaps what Socrates asked for in the prayer from Phaedrus when he said 'May the outward and inward man be at one.' I would like to achieve a state of inner spiritual grace which I could function and give as I was meant to in the eye of God."

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Simple Steps

I have talked a lot this week. I'm tired of talking. What else could I possibly find to say?

Moving on, oh my, time for another jump. I'm getting too good at this.

8 Things..

1) I was 11 during the New Kids on the Block hysteria. My friends were entrenched in the cult of it all but I stood on the fringes, enjoying it all but hiding my participation. A girl gave me a tape of Step by Step and I spent a few weeks falling asleep with my cassette player under my pillow and rewinding the title song to hear Joey McIntyre do his bit in the 'step' section of the song. I also had one picture of him taped inside my closet. Was never one for tear stained posters.

2) My first concert was Pink Floyd. Senior year of High School, 1994. A friend invited me the day of, during photography class. I called and asked if I could go and even though I had been denied the opportunity to see Amy Grant five years earlier, Mom said yes. Carter-Finely Stadium, on the grass.

3) My Dad took for my first movie in a theater when I was 4. "The Fox and the Hound", I fell asleep mid-way through and my Dad and sat through to the end just in case I woke up and wanted to keep watching. I love that.

4) Tomatoes. It's been a life long battle. My family LOVES them. My brother used to eat them like apples just to gross me out. It was always a rule that we had to eat what was served at dinner. "This isn't a restaurant, I don't provide a menu." So, I've lived through salads and salsas. I just don't like them uncooked and glaring at me with their seeds and bitter meat. Just thinking about it is making me sick. Ketchup, Spaghetti Sauce, even Sun Dried, I'm all for 'em.

5) I hate wearing shoes. I've been wearing flip flops long before the fad that had people wearing them to the White House. From the moment Spring gets warm enough to the minute Winter starts to numb my toes, I am donning my $4 flops from Target. Oh and the toes get a new color probably twice a month.

6) 42 out of 50 - Alaska, Florida, Hawaii, Maine, Minnesota, Mississippi, North Dakota, Wisconsin. I've been to every state, but these. It's gonna happen one day. But, I can only bring myself to get excited about two of them. Ok, maybe three.

7) When I walk through my neighborhood, and others, I scrutinize each yard and decide what I would change about each one. Hmmm, maybe I should put that on my list for when I change my mind about work, again.

8) I get bored easily, I can't believe I made it to number 8. Blah.

Musings

• I just realized only one state I have ever lived is landlocked. Further evidence that 1) For my own sanity, I must always live near the water and 2) I must never live in Utah, again.
• I usually love a song for it's lyrics. While I don't connect with these, I can't escape this song right now (it doesn't hurt the songs beauty that I have a crush on Mraz):

• These, I do.

She loves her mama's lemonade,
Hates the sound that goodbyes make.
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her.
She swears that there's no difference,
Between the lies and compliments.
It's all the same if everybody leaves her.
"Beautiful Disaster" John McLaughlin

• She is my best friend. My first true friend. Thank you , G.
  

Do No Harm

Healing wounds does not come so easily. Once broken, skin and bones can mend in time but, our emotions do not find such solace.

Be peaceful and kind. Be patient and open minded. Be forgiving and honest.

Willingness to overcome is the beginning of hope.

Open Room

Clean thoughts, surrounded by the film of neglect.
Bent and turned, in order to find appropriate settlement.
Eyes hiding behind curtains, moving in sync with memories.
A wait for transport home brings questions of locked wheels.
It seems patience answers slowly, without regard for promises.

How Love Bends

so you say.
lines across fail
i was supposed to forget

ten exits seem too many
underneath, trees filter
my sky tells it's story

where the reach seems unfair,
it is for us to decide
how love bends

Greatest Of All Time

Years collect within our distance.
I am lifted by knowledge of our bond.
There was never any way of knowing
I would find the balance in between.

Moments floating in cells of brilliant chaos.
Though the tower rises above the foundation,
It is within the walls that we know what is true.

Mad Girl's Love Song

About a month or so ago, I sat in this spot for a few minutes. Things changed, I was part of it, but it felt like an out of body experience. I heard the words but none of them really formed into meaning until a few days later.

Once I processed what had happened, it stopped. A pause in the momentum that I had worked on for so long. But, surprisingly, I was at peace with the situation. There was really nothing I could do about it, except move on and live my life. How could I have known that sitting there, in one of my favorite places, was The End and The Beginning.

Just press play, and find what you have been looking for. I am yours.

I Spy

I Spy
Originally uploaded by HazelFiver

With my little eye, a return to the camera. I'm not sure why I had let it sit there for so long. I am growing weary of film, wishing I had a digital camera. But then, I would be taking more pictures than I would know what to do with. I have been trying to find something to do with all of the prints I have sitting around.

I really feel that once I get a new camera, my picture quality will improve. This stupid little one I have now will not allow me to get in too close and it is so light I end up getting a lot of fuzzy pictures from my inability to keep the thing steady.

One of these days I will take a class. One of these days I will take a picture of something other than a flower or plant. One of these days I will make an effort to do something more than just post them online. But for now, I am enjoying see the world through the lens again.

Comfort Zone

I started this one a couple of weeks ago and The Beast interrupted me and I kind of forgot about it. Seeing as though it was about her, you would have thought I could have gotten more than just the title in.

Moving on. For those of you who have spent any significant time around children, you know that there is usually a "warm up" period. The child first sees you as this foreign being on their home turf, they are determined to rid you from their sanctuary at all costs. Slowly they begin to find ways to use your presence to their advantage; food, shelter, bubbles, a lift up in the air to get a better view, the basics. Some kids are naturally affectionate during this time, they will let you hold them whenever the mood strikes either of you, they will allow tickling and/or random silliness. The Beast never held those thoughts. She was, and sometimes still is, anti Child PDA. No hugging, no chilling out on my lap during moments I happen to be without her little brother, and certainly not anything initiated by her.

Well, she has finally melted her stone cold heart. Maybe not melted, just a low setting of defrost. I was doing some dishes and she was entertaining herself by running laps around the island in the middle of the kitchen. This works to both of our benefits; exhausts her to the point that she actually has the mellow mood I pray for and she gets to bump in to me as often as she likes. At one point during her exuberant marathon, she stopped to take a break. She ran up behind me, buried her face in my butt and gave me a huge hug.

That, is when you know a kid is comfortable around you.