It seems the weight loss will need to wait, at least the concentrated effort, I'm sure with all of this stress, it's gonna go anyway. So, Step Two is going to be taking care of myself.
With the twins, I refused any outside help beyond the counselor I had met with throughout my pregnancy. No group sessions, no talking to other birth mothers. Has anyone ever mentioned how fiercely independent I am? Surely you jest. Ha!
But this time, every thing is different, and I need to work through it differently. So I looked around on line for some resources and found a forum filled with birth mothers, adoptive mothers, and adoptees, all working to help each other find that balance in this strange world. I asked for help from them yesterday and it is beyond comforting to find empathy in their words. This morning, I got this...
"There's a secret to get through loss, pain and grief. If we're alone we can't see who we are. When we join the club, other people become the mirror. Through them, we see ourselves and gain an understanding of what we're going through. Then slowly, real slowly, we learn to accept who we see in the mirror. Then you become the mirror for them; by being honest about who you are, you'll help them learn to love and accept themselves." -Melody Beattie, The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change.
It's time for me to step out in to the world and stop trying to do everything by myself. Just saying that is hard for me, doing it will be harder. But, I have to do something. Thank you.