My Forte

I don't like V8.

You know those commercials for V8 in which someone gets smacked in the head for not eating their veggies? I could be the smackee pretty regularly. I just don't get enough fruits and veggies. I do my own grocery shopping so it's not like I am being denied them by someone else, I deny them all on my own.

So, the past few days I have been trying to find ways to get more in my diet. It really isn't that hard, it's just finding a way to do it that doesn't feel like I'm forcing them on myself. Yeah, like I'm a 2 year old and my mom is using that Jessica Seinfeld book.

Anyway, I decided to make chicken salad. Not typically the first thing you think of when someone mentions fruits and vegetables, but it's got a couple things in there, depending on your recipe. I put celery and grapes in mine. Better than nothing, right?

Center Stage

Embarassing Confession of the Month:

I'm watching one of my favorite movies, Center Stage. It is one of the cheesiest, poorly acted, over the top, teen chick flicks ever made, but if I'm ever flipping channels, and it's on, I will watch it. L A M E

But I had lunch at P.F. Changs today. The fam was in town and Mom is addicted to anything Asian/Oriental, so when I balked at choosing, she was all for it. Only my third time there, and Dad had never been, and we all loved it.

I've been craving chili but kept making other meals for my 'week o' leftover' selection. While grocery shopping today, I finally picked up the ingredients. The people I work for put corn in theirs, so I decided to try that. Love it.

Ok, the finale is on....workshop and Cooper's dance and all. Motorcycle's and red tutus. Gotta go!

Get Away

I woke up Saturday morning and had my third panic attack in as many months. After trying to calm down, I knew the only way I could work through the issue was to get out of my four walls. So, I hopped in the car and drove to the beach. Thankfully, it's only a two hour drive. I've always been a water person, a bit happier when there is a body of it around.

An hour of walking along the cold and windy coast began a weekend that I needed more than I could have imagined. Stepping away from my life for a few hours and taking a chance to breath in the salty air, pick up smooth stones and feel the water splash over my toes. My only wish is that I had thought of it earlier, so I could have spent a little bit more time watching the waves cleanse my mind.



I was exhausted from the stress and emotions, and as the sun was setting, I knew I needed to just stay in town and spend the night. I drove in to Jacksonville and got a hotel room. An extravagance that is out of the norm, but a spontaneous 24 hour therapy session I couldn't have predicted would work so well.

I checked in, set down my things. Took an hour to chill and then went to grab dinner. Jacksonville isn't a special town, below average one could argue. But, even in the most boring towns, there is food you can't get anywhere else. Food that sticks to your taste buds and refuses to allow any imposters. I couldn't have been more excited to drive up to the window at Japan Express and ordered the Hibachi Chicken. Just typing the words made my mouth water. One food craving down, two to go.



I didn't get the shrimp sauce in the picture, and actually, I'm denying all of you the best part by doing so, but I hope you begin to get a sense of the deliciousness.

I watched Bernard and Doris and enjoyed the six pillows they lavished on the king size bed. I couldn't believe there was such a nice hotel room in Jacksonville. The town is full of cheap motels for the Marines to escape to on the weekends. Hence, they are a little 'used'. But the Fairfield is pretty new and probably a little out of the Marines' price range, so I lucked out. Even after the taxing day, I could not go to sleep. Not until 3 am. Yeah.

I got up and took advantage of the hotel breakfast in the lobby. Watched some lame show on VH1 and hung out until it was time for craving fulfillment number two. I met Julee at Duck's, an old standby and immediately ordered the chicken quesadilla. Can I just tell you it was better than I remembered. And that's not just from the two years since the last taste test. They really have improved it. Man, oh man. Yummmmy. Julee would have mocked me incessantly so I spared you all from a picture. But, I have some leftovers, so maybe another day ;).

As for craving number three. I couldn't do it. I was stuffed and tired. I needed to get home, couldn't go waiting around The Armpit for another meal. Tony's and the calzone will have to wait for another time. And don't I know it will be worth it.

24 hour therapy session was one of the best things I could have done for myself. It certainly doesn't erase the stress that caused the panic attack, but it gave me a breather to build up some strength for the next run of it all.

Where I've Been

I left Portland as soon as my Doctor would let me, maybe a day early. My Mom and I packed in the little GLC and drove South, through California. Visited my Gran, saw things I hadn't seen since I was in single digits. Got back to NC after a road trip filled with trunks flying open and cassettes of Michael Jackson telling me about the Man In The Mirror. It was a long drive, for millions of reasons.

I spent a few weeks mourning in my parents home. I really don't remember a lot of that time, anger, sadness, confusion, and a couple dashes of depression. But that's always been there, so it brushed it under. Threw away the prescription for prozac and pushed on. I got an apartment with my brother and went back to work. Temping at the Medical School in town and continued doing the church thing they made me go back to in Portland.

After a year, I had become bored. My parents had moved to Tennessee and my brother had gone of to Idaho. I sold everything. The GLC, everything and moved to Salt Lake City. I was so ready to move on that I didn't have a job, I had only talked to my new roommate on the phone and didn't have a car. I was going to bus it and announce I was going to have Thanksgiving dinner with my imaginary fiance's family within 10 months. If I had a nickel for every time I have been oblivious in my life.

I continued with Church Life there for a few months and grew to hate that city so much, it's lack of diversity and Satan's spawn falling from the sky and never melting, I went back to Marlboro Town. Oh, my roommates LOVED that. I lasted in that hell hole for only a year.

Wells was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis and I offered to move to New Jersey to help The Clarks. So, I had to quit smoking, again. For someone else. If I had a nickel for every time I've changed my life for someone else. But I cannot tell you how much I loved it there. NJ has secrets. It is beautiful where it wants to be, and where it doesn't, it leads you to the Emerald City. I found parts of myself in NYC. Broadway shows, Central Park, Chrysler Building. It brought me to tears.

I worked EVERY day. Very rarely were there weeks that I had a full day off, but I wouldn't have changed a thing. I got to see Cape Cod. I traveled to the Coast of NC. I saw Vermont. Not a thing. I fell in love with some amazing people. I think those little ones healed my heart. Filled holes left by those two I couldn't hold on to. Allowed me to see life as it should be, the life I knew I was unable to reach.

Sadly, they got older, started going to school and not needing me. So I packed up the car and saw him chase me down the street. Never in my life, he begged me to stay and I wish I could have. He was an angel who brought light I had never known. Sparta had turned in to a snow globe where I felt safe, but I was being pulled away, being anchored in safety does not allow growth.

I didn't know what I was getting in to when I landed in Jacksonville. No, not Florida, I wasn't that lucky. Jacksonville, NC - the armpit of the Crystal Coast. I lived in a condo by myself for the first year. I worked so much I hardly even noticed. But once I started to realize the devil I was working for, I started to need some outside clarity. I found a roommate in the newspaper and moved in to what felt like The Foursome all over again. It took a little while to hit our stride, but we had so much fun. I found the best friend I had ever known. I did things I knew I shouldn't, people whose names I couldn't remember, drinks that were taller than me, and smoked like a friggin freight train. It was like I was 21 all over again.

But then, oh then, it all fell apart. The Goat was gone, I was losing my brother to bottles of whiskey, the Black Hole was eating me alive. I ran as fast as I could and hid, again, at my parents. Guess who was back, our lovely friend depression. For almost a year, I lived on the pull out bed in my parents house. If I had a nickel for every time I shouldn't have lived with my parents. Our relationship is so much better when we are apart.

So, I moved, again. Should we count how many times I have moved? One sec, I'll be back.....ok, I've got 9 times in 13 years. Lovely. I'm in Durham now, in the middle of counting more nickels. In the middle of realizing a lot of things about my life. Forks in the road that damaged me more than I could have known. Our friend has planted himself deep inside of me. I'm afraid to get rid of him, he is all I've ever known. Who will I be without him? I hope he leaves as soon as possible.

I have missed having touchstones in my life. I would love to find them, but they seem uncomfortable. At least I know The Goat will always be there.

Food, Glorious Food

I just realized I forgot to take a picture of the lasagna. Drat!!!! I have cooked every meal since I have been home for Christmas. Partly because I love to cook, partly so I don't have to do the dishes. It's called smarts.

Sunday night, Tuna Casserole. One of Dad's favorites, and since he isn't feeling well these days, I thought we should make him something he would enjoy.

Monday night, Lasagna. My favorite dish to make. Sausage and ground beef, two bags of shredded italian cheeses, cottage cheese (cuz I'm simple like dat) and marinara between the layers. Bubbly, cheesy, melty. Yum!

Tuesday, Christmas Breakfast. I could do this in my sleep. Guaranteed, we have the same meal every year after opening gifts. I believe, with every fiber of my being, that if this meal were not served in my parents house on Christmas morning, the Earth would reverse its rotation. Pillsbury cinnamon rolls, link sausage, scrambled eggs. It can't be beat.

Tuesday, Christmas Dinner. This was a two person job. Mom made the mac n crack and I made the pork loin. After a Potato Adventure (ask James) to find some olive oil at 11am Christmas morning, I made a marinade of Olive Oil, Red Wine Vinegar, Garlic and Rosemary. Take a look.



Mom found the recipe for Martha Stewart's Macaroni and Cheese a few years ago and it has become a favorite round these parts. I had to make a special request this year, I was having some serious Mac N Crack cravings. I wish you could see the bubbling goodness. Yummy.
Needless to say, we were stuffed as there was also green bean casserole, apple sauce and yeast rolls to be eaten. We usually go see a movie Christmas afternoon but after Dad announced he needed to rest, we all gladly agreed that naps were a preferred alternative.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and enjoyed every last bite.

Cookie Wars 2007

It used to be that on Christmas Eve, our family would gather at the table and decorate cookies for Santa. Each child would pick one cookie and put it on the plate that would sit by the fire place. Usually, it ended up being the grossest, frosting choked cookie. Ahh, those were the days.

Not anymore. Now, it is a competition, serious competition. I have been asked by my family to post pictures of this years art work and as you, the readers to vote on your favorite(s). I cannot divulge the hand behind the art. You must be neutral in your decision. Your vote should be based on 1) artistry, 2) originality and 3) general enjoyment factor.

Go forth, enjoy, and vote for the rocking horse in the corner.

*Editor's Note: The rocking horse did not survive long enough to be photographed. We apologize for this error. There is one note that needs to be observed for judging. The large star on the right is titled "Bolivian Streaker".

ENJOY!!!!! Vote soon, and vote often. This ain't the primaries folks. Lives are at stake.

You know what's really frustrating?

Not having a nutcracker around to open soda bottle caps that are screwed on too tight.

That's what.

Christmas Wish List

Two posts in one day? Well, I have a good reason. A company in England has kindly and surprisingly compiled my entire Christmas Wish List on their website. I don't see anything on there I wouldn't gladly accept. Enjoy and happy shopping. We'll figure out where to put it all later.

Go Around Twice If You're Happy

Craving of Late

My Sister in Law has been harassing me to post. I apologize to my single reader that I have not given her any new fodder lately. Today, while eating breakfast, I found a muse. Some call it comfort food, some call it artery blockage. I call it yummy.


So there is my post Jeni, sausage biscuits and gravy from McDonalds. I would have this everyday, but thankfully I can't get out of bed early enough on weekdays.

If Only...

Falling For Fall

Even though Fall has always been a great season for birthdays, it has never been my favorite. I am more of a spring girl, fresh blooms, honeysuckle, warm breezes. But this year, Fall has been growing on me. The amazing colors of the leaves, some trees with hundreds of different shades in just one branch. I can't really put it in to words, how amazing I now find it.

I went for a walk this morning through my neighborhood. It is amazing the different perspective you gain on your surroundings by just taking a stroll down different roads and sidewalks.